Put the screenplay aside for the time being... At first, I thought that it was purely a lack of motivation of late. That's only half-true...
I mean sure I'm as busy as anyone. I'm a half-time consultant to the state. I have a practice the other half-of-the-time. I'm a half-time student. I like to have half of my time for myself, whether it's to hit the gym, play or party. But those are a lot of halves, don't you think? Where am I making time for my writing?
Okay, maybe I need to re-figure my math and let go of some things. But you know, I always found some time to write somewhere in there... Yet, I found that there actually is another reason that I have not been writing.
As much as I am ashamed to admit it, I haven't wrote anything since I entered that Simon Kinberg contest with a few thousand others. Of which, I knew that I would make one of the ten slots that were being recognized. Why on earth would I think that? Well, I'll try to give the short version while trying to do my best to not be pompous (right).
Anywhy, when I was a kid in elementary school the first "A" I ever earned in my life was for a creative story that I wrote in the 3rd grade. I was so proud of that grade. Ever since that time, I knew that I was destined to become a writer. But that wasn't all. My teachers from middle school to high school encouraged this by filling my head with the crazy notion that I had what it took to be a writer. My fellow students in high school didn't help this far-fetched notion because they always wanted to read what I wrote about. And believe it or not college was a little more of the same. I actually published a couple short pieces in college publications - only because one of my teachers insisted that I submit my work. She encouraged me to earn my degree in English or something related.
So off I was to earn my English degree and work on my future as an aspiring novelist.
Not a chance. I needed a job to pay my bills and get ahead in life. Hence, several several years later I became a clinical psychologist. I figure I'd shake that pompous notion that I could be a full-fledged author.
Now, I have a practice that pays the bills. And I rather enjoy what I do...
If I could only shake this feeling down deep in my soul that I actually am a writer.
My sister, who now works for Hawaii 5-0, back in November 2006 asked me to compete in a film making contest in Honolulu called "The Showdown in Chinatown." She asked if I could write a short script. So, I wrote one. She helped with the plot, got her people together, and we muscle out this approximately 6 minute film. Sounds much easier than it was. Only The Top Ten would be shown before the audience on premiere night when they announced the winners.
Small gig right? No big deal, right? Anyway, we ended up placing fifth among maybe 60-70 some film projects. But I tell you what. I was damn proud of making something that those judges thought was good enough to make the cut. I was equally proud to watch it among the audience that night.
And hence, the writer bug was fed once again. And here and there, which is probably less here than there... I kept plugging away or more like picking away at my own screenplay. I took 2 days out of this past November to write the first 15 pages of a screenplay for the Simon Kinberg contest. Knowing full well that I was going to make the cut - The Top Ten.
Of course... I did not. And for some reason after all of the positive strokes I ever received from writing instructors and other aspiring writers... not making the grade this time... took the wind out of my sails. Maybe I really didn't have what it takes. Maybe, I should focus on other things. Maybe...
But you know the writing bug never leaves a writer. It's like somewhere in your life this critter happened upon you and dug it's hooks in and there it remains somewhere nestled deep inside, whether toiling about or lying dormant - there the darn thing remains!
You can't get rid of it. No way, no how. And we weren't meant to. Were writers, damn it. Not because someone is paying us, not because you think one day you'll be rich and famous. It may well be. But that's not why a writer writes. If you're a writer you know why you do it.
And that's the noblest reason of all.
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